Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
