so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
