I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
