Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
