Me too!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
