he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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