Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
