it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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