He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
