we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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