I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Come on in and take your pants off
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