Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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