I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
