Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My penis needs a shock collar
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
