don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
