Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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