What a fucking waste of an outfit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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