i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
