whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
