I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
