party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
