Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
