he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
