Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
