Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
