Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
