I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
