Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
