just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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