so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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