I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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