I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
