its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
