you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have tasted many bathrooms
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
