Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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