I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
