She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
