Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
