But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
