i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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