the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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