i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
