Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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