i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
