I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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