she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
