cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
