Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
