Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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