Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
