In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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