omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
