peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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