is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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